On Why I Quit Facebook

Recently I stumbled upon a New York Times article about social media. But instead of glorifying it, this article – written by a computer science professor and blog writer – stressed the reasons why you should quit social media: because it can hurt your career.

As an avid fan of reading the New York Times, I’ve been waiting for an article like this for the past few years! It feels like decades ago, but approximately two years ago, I decided to quit Facebook cold turkey.  By that, I meant that I disappeared off Planet FB – I stopped posting (except for the automatic posts that transferred over from Instagram) and checking Facebook altogether. I reached a point in my life where I was busy with a little kid – a 1 1/2 year old who demanded a lot of my attention, plus I felt that I was misusing my time, and I could do better things than check Facebook every 20 minutes (or less if there was a red indicator of someone responding to one of my posts). As I’m writing, I feel a little bit of shame at having to admit that.

I’ve had a long relationship with Facebook, starting approximately in 2001 when i was still in college and continued on until well after I graduated from college. While being employed at a local financial institution, I worked at an office that wasn’t very busy. I also had coworkers that were very much into social media. Thus, what does one do when those two ingredients are combined? One checks Facebook during breaks & quiet times on one’s phone. Luckily this company blocked FB on their computers.

This went on for several years, until I decided to leave the company to stay at home with my daughter. This fact alone wasn’t boasted on social media, because I wasn’t too sure as to how people would respond and I didn’t want to go into detail as to how we were able to do that. Lastly I didn’t want to be known as “the mom who has nothing to do but post on Facebook all day because she’s not working” type of thing.

This went on for several years, until I decided to leave the company to stay at home with my daughter. This fact alone wasn’t boasted on social media, because I wasn’t too sure as to how people would respond and I didn’t want to go into detail as to how we were able to do that. Lastly I didn’t want to be known as “the mom who has nothing to do but post on Facebook all day because she’s not working” type of thing.



Now I know these were unwarranted anxieties that arose from unrealistic fears about being judged by your peers. After all, the people you’re friends with on Facebook is a combination of your family, friends and colleagues, all of which have an opinion about you. Hell, I had an opinion about what people were posting as well! Then, it dawned on me that what used to be a thing that connects people together and gives updates is now a thing that involves MAJOR boasts about everything from how much better their job is, what kind of cool things their kids/pets do, or how much fun they’re having on vacation. (I admit, I’ve been guilty of doing all of this). What once was a channel for communication and maintaining relationships became a boat for everyone as young as 14 (possibly younger because everyone can lie about their age) to post a ridiculous amount of selfies, blurry unattractive photos and rants about all the things that’s going wrong with their lives.

In short, I was tired of the bragging and the negativity I was seeing on Facebook. Even those who knew me would comment on my posts and although I know the person means differently I realize they are not aware that their thoughts should be filtered online, that comments can be seen by people who aren’t your friends, and especially by people you have no connection with and doesn’t care to have one. Thoughts typed out loud can be misunderstood especially when you don’t think about what you’re going to say before you say it. Last but not least, we’ve evolved into creatures of oversharing. I’m not going to say that I’ve never done this because I have, but I will say that on one end of the spectrum I know that there are certain things I’d rather not know about a person. Besides sharing too much about oneself, many of us are oversharing in the forwarding department – reposting a meme or a graphic with a witty message is NOT original, and it makes me wonder what kind of value you are giving to the online world by posting something that someone else has already thought of.

So I decided I didn’t want to be like everyone else – I didn’t want other people to view me as I view certain people. I didn’t want to be so connected to the online world that I forget to have a real life. It’s sad to think that the preferred method of sharing your life nowadays is through Facebook / Instagram / twitter / snapchat. It’s time to start thinking more about what you can contribute to the world, go out and do actual work.

What the NYT article mentioned was that as you become more valuable more opportunities will find you and you will gain more connections that way. I absolutely agree. In the other realm of social media- the professional side called LinkedIn I have also decided to be absent. It’s a decision that may have hurt me or it may not. One thing I do know for sure is that LinkedIn has never helped me get a job. In fact, the only thing it has done is send me regular updates about what my past classmates and colleagues are doing – things like promotions, new skills, new degrees – all of which made me feel as insecure and under qualified as the next person standing in line to audition for a comedy show. I felt like I wanted to go hide underneath a table at my high school reunion, because in the world of updates (“what are you doing now!?!?”) I didn’t want my former peers to know that I haven’t yet succeeded to the title of manager or assistant manager, or anything that involved the possibility of making more than $30,000/year.
Recently I told my husband that he needed to beef up his resume and profile on LinkedIn. He created an account many years ago and never updated it, and I thought since he’s going to be out of school soon and he’ll need to network to get the “right” job and LinkedIn can help him do that. Now, I realize just how ridiculous that sounds. He doesn’t need LinkedIn to help him get a job! Possibly to get him an email address or telephone to someone who he can solicit, yes, but not to be directly involved in finding employment. My husband is outgoing, social and possess a strong work ethic with solid recommendations from previous & current bosses. Everyone who’s ever worked with him likes him. So if you are that type of person, you don’t need to hunt down that job on LinkedIn. You go out there and use your skills to get that job on your own. 


About six months after I quit Facebook, I broke down and went back in to see what was going on. I wanted to be sure that what I missed was worth missing. Turns out, I was right – nothing of what I missed was actually big news. No one had a baby. Nobody got pregnant or married. Nobody graduated from college. Nobody paid off their student loans. Nobody bought a house. Nothing of positive value was posted in those six months that I was away. So I decided that it was indeed the right thing to do – and since then I’ve only checked it once or twice in the past three months and currently have no interest in ever checking it again. 

Look, I’m not saying that Facebook or LinkedIn isn’t valuable. It is for some people, just not for me. I’m a person who values face-to-face interactions. I’d rather have coffee with you at Starbucks than get a Like on my post, because I know you already like me. If we are far apart and can’t see each other, then I’d rather that you text me and/or send me an email rather than a Facebook message. If you actually read this far, that means you actually care about what I have to say so THANK YOU! Know that I do not have a “I don’t care” attitude about social media, rather I have a “I don’t need it” attitude about social media. I have many other ways to fill up my time, people who care about me, and things I’d rather devote my attention to (my kids, for one).


What’s different the second time around

About 3 1/2 years ago, when I had my first kid, I didn’t know much about having kids. All I knew was that after the birth, I thought, “I don’t want to do this again for at least 5 more years.” Little did I know that I would be doing it again 3 years later.

So, my son came a little earlier than expected…which is fine, really, because after having been a parent for a few years, I feel equipped with a little bit more wisdom, although some days I feel like I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. Looking back on it now, I remember being SO excited about becoming a parent for the first time. Not that I’m not excited to be a parent for the second time, because I was… but James did come about two years early…I feel like this time, as many parents do, I know a few things I didn’t know before. Take, for example:

-You don’t need to buy an entire year’s supply of clothing & accessories for your kid. Seriously – this is the most important thing I’ve learned from having my daughter. Having a girl induces you (no pun intended) to buy cute little flowery headbands, because gosh darn it, you want her to have the BEST newborn picture so you can do those birth announcements, right? In addition to cute, flowery headbands that sells for the cost of a new perfume that you want to get for yourself (because being a new parent means you don’t have time to shower so you need to cover up your stink), there are also thousands of products in the baby industry that sounds like it’s so necessary to get at the time, like wipe warmers…because gosh darn it if your baby’s butt isn’t warm when you wipe her stinky, poopy parts in the middle of the night! (Psstt: here’s the secret: the baby doesn’t care). It is incredible how much new parents feel obligated to buy – from cribs that cost as much as your plane ticket to see your mom to strollers that are in the $300-400 range, you would need to stop going out to dinner for 5 months before you can actually afford all this stuff!

Luckily, you have generous parents, grandparents, friends and family members who is going to shower you with gifts for the baby. Suddenly that baby monitor is yours. Plus 50 new outfits, all with cute little sayings like “The cutest baby on the block” or “Man of the house.” And did I mention that there is a much bigger selection of girl’s clothing than boys’ clothing? So, you can’t help yourself – you end up buying a million outfits for your baby, and then you realize that by 2 months, they no longer fit in the 0-3 month clothing, and you’ll shed several tears as you sort out the brand new clothes that they never got a chance to wear into the “Donate” pile.

This time, when I had my son, I was smart enough to only look for gently used clothing and discount items. Thinking that I’m so clever, I bought a lot of $3* onesies for him…turns out, he grew even faster than my daughter, so I still shed a tear every time I think about getting rid of those cute little outfits that he never wore several weeks ago.

Courtesy of: The Ugly Volvo

You’re not a terrible parent if you let your kid falls off the bed/sofa/chair/whatever they’re laying on at the moment. I recently started reading a parenting book called “Welcome to the Club” by Racquel D’Apice and she mentioned having done this, and I felt a huge sigh of relief. It’s not just me. My husband has done it. I’ve done it. I bet thousands of other parents have done it – your baby is a few months old, they just started rolling over, and you leave them on a surface for five seconds and during those five seconds, they managed to roll over and fall off the bed, or sofa, or chair, or table. You wonder if your child maybe has developed some sort of magical grasp with gravity, because even YOU can’t roll off a surface that quickly. You then hear a blood-curdling scream of an infant, and with horror, you think your child is dead. You rush to their side only to discover they are *whew* NOT dead, just a little traumatized, because they’ve never bungee-jumped off the bed before. And you’ve never let them do it before. Then you feel so terrible that you vow to never let that happen again…and in my case, never mention it to my husband (unless he confesses to having done it first – which he did).

-You don’t need to come to their beck and call every time they cry. Look, babies’ needs are very basic: 1) they have a dirty diaper 2) they’re hungry 3) they’re hungry and tired, and in my son’s case 4) they need companionship. (Don’t leave me alone, Mom!) You shouldn’t have to feel terrible if you don’t. When Lily came into our lives, my husband and I would be so worried that we’d often come to her call every time she cries. After awhile, you start to learn what their cries mean. Nowadays, whenever my son cries, we let him have his moment for about 5-10 minutes before we come check on him. Honestly, I don’t feel terrible about doing this, because I know he’s not seriously injured, so he can wait another minute for me to drink my coffee before he gets his morning breakfast.

You don’t need to wait for them to fall asleep in your arms. For f**k’s sake, just put the baby down even when he’s not fully asleep! Babies need to learn to fall asleep on their own. Just like they need to learn how to use a fork and a spoon, how to use the bathroom, how to spend money…but let’s take it one at a time, ok? Nuff said.

-You don’t need to be worried about taking the baby out. So, for god’s sakes – take your baby out! It may be a surprise (or not to those who know us) but we didn’t go out very much when Lily was a baby. (Proudly wearing “The Most Boring Parent On the Planet” hat)…as in, we didn’t take trips, or take her out on any outings besides to family member’s houses, on a walk in the stroller, or to the grocery store. Then we had James, and we’re like, “Why the hell not?!?” In his first two months of life, he’s already gone on more road trips than Lily ever did in her first two months of life. (Sorry kiddo).

I believe that the fear lies in the fact that you think you’re going to forget something if you take your baby out on a longer-than-30-minutes trip. Let me tell you: if you forget something, it’s going to be okay. All three of you will cry a little bit, but then the world will continue, and you will forget about that incident. Unless you want to record it in the baby book**

*Speaking of money, a baby costs a lot.

**Who has time to write in baby books anymore?? the unofficial “baby book” is now called Facebook.